sideofstars

cigarette

I smoke a cigarette on the daily walk my doctor tells me to take because I am constantly balancing on the line between chasing death and wanting to live forever.

I can never decide which is more exhilarating. 

I can never tell which would make me feel more alive.

I can never figure out which would bring me closer to death. 

Death to life, then death again.

It’s an endless cycle of misery and ecstasy. 

It’s an endless car ride that I have been strapped into my entire life. 

My seatbelt has molded to the shape of me,

My horn is exhausted from screaming on my behalf. 

My radio is blown out and there’s a CD stuck inside it of a preacher describing my life as if he personally knows me and predicting flames.

I will drive until this car goes up in flames,

And I’ll use the fire to light another cigarette.

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