sideofstars

play in the park

i don’t hate many things, but i am coming to realize that i do hate change.

change is what births regret.

regret of decisions, situations, outcomes and lack there of.

and i can try to cry nostalgia in its place all i want, but the regret still lives on.

its the source of longing.

i think of when playing in the park was enough. 

and i can’t seem to remember when it stopped being enough.

i wish i was paying better attention to my life.

though i know i won’t start now.

however now that i am sitting and starting to consider the unchanging things, 

i am unsure of its beneficiaries.

my mother still hugs me like nothing in this world has ever hurt me, including herself.

though it has, though she has.

i still have this unfillable hollow of cadence in the depths of me.

it lingers in my cells until even my bones learn to ache.

until i am nothing but a lasting ache.

and what i actually realize is that its both that i hate.

i hate that it must be one or the other.

i hate that i am forever in this endless matrix with no right pill.

with no right choice.

just hate.

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  • play in the park

    i don’t hate many things, but i am coming to realize that i do hate change. change is what births regret. regret of decisions, situations, outcomes and lack there of. and i can try to cry nostalgia in its place all i want, but the regret still lives on. its the source of longing. i…

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